I've been thinking and its its like this.
I loved her. I loved Gwen. More then I can say, even if it was all synthesized, even if it was a lie, a trap. And reading her posts. She felt the same way.
I killed her. With my bare hands. She cried and kissed me as I choked the life out of her, as I beat her. She died smiling. And now she's gone.
Its why I can't post anymore. I can't stomach looking at myself.
I can't forgive any of you. You brought be back into this world. You pulled me out of a world where I would have died in the arms of a woman I loved, even if my lifespan was shortened.
I can't forgive Plaster. He pulled me out, made her look like a villain, just so he could get me alone again. He's dead too. That's the only fighting back she did. She killed him while he choked the life out of her.
And I can never forgive myself for not stopping the Squeezing.
It's why I was so useless. I can't kill anymore. I won't take another life.
Not even, no matter how much I deserve it, my own.
I will finish what was started. But I will not play the Hero any more.
I don't deserve even that Illusion any more.
I used to think I was Hero Material. Like the Big Hero. Potentially the next White King. I would do something incrdible with my imaginary friend.
But I did nothing before and nothing now, except hurt innocents, be a dick and kill the only woman I've ever loved.
I've been doing a lot of thinking, tonight.