Thursday, December 23, 2010

Twas the Night Before Christmas (Slenderman Edition)

Inspiration struck, and I did my best with it

Twas the night before Christmas And all through the house
Not a person was festive I had reasons to grouse
The cameras were hung by the entry with care
In the fear that the Slenderman soon would be there
My dog all a shivering, and I with my light
Had just settled down for a long sleepless night
What outside my window arose such a clatter
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window, my light did I flash,
Pulled up the blinds and pulled on the latch
Standing out there in the new-fallen snow
giving the lustre of mid-day to objects below
what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But old Slenderman? Oh, my heart filled with fear
When I knew what I saw, so lively and fast,
I got my weapons and readied to fight to the last

More rapid than eagles my crossbow did shoot
I shot in his head and shot in his foot
"Take this one and that one, and another to spare!
I’ll fill you with holes till your nothing but air!
Away from my porch! Away From my wall!
Now run away! Run away!I’ll shoot off your balls!"

Without so much as a word in reply
He raised up a hand straight into the sky
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
Not the sounds of Reindeer, but the sound of a boot

As I ran from the window and hurried downstairs
There stood the Slenderman without nary a care
Standing so smugly right next to the tree
I was so frightened I wanted to pee

His clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot. 
From his slenderman face to his slenderman suit
I knew in a moment he’d just break my back
And then I would be his Christmas eve snack.
I swung with my sword! I swung with my bat!
I gave him a bash! I gave him a slash!
But still there he stood! His look oh so merry!
I’d gave it my best, I knew I was ready
But then I knew something was odd, for my foe
On top of his head, as pale as the snow
Had a small furry hat, colored red and white
And somehow I knew he’d not come to fight.

He reached with one claw, so long and so handy
And took from my tree a single sweet candy
And then reached within the folds of his jacket
And handed to me a small weighty packet
He then walked and returned to the tree
And from his coat pulled presents for my family and me
I can’t tell you how, and I can’t tell you why
But tonight, just tonight, He’s not a bad guy.

He finished his work, but before he could leave
I ran to the kitchen, and got him a treat
The plate full of cookies, left for St. Nick
But this time, for Slendy this might do the trick.
He took the plate, seemed to smile
I was glad for tonight, if just for a while
Peace and goodwill came not just for man
But for all of our enemies, even Ol’ Slenderman

I waved him goodbye as he vanished from sight
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"


  1. Spacing got messed up a bit but I did my best to edit it in here.

  2. Well, that's unique. And cute. In a way. A little weird to think of Him as Santa. Since, you know, I associate Santa with good things. Definitely an interesting take.

    Merry Christmas, Slice, hope you don't actually get any Slendy's in your chimney. Stay safe!

  3. I am torn between referencing Splendorman or the Slendy vs Santa theory...
    Check both.

  4. dammitdammitdammit, you did this just a day before me.

    Well, at the very least, I'm not about to read yours until I've finished mine. And then we'll have two separate parodies!


  5. @ Kiki Thanks! I'll take that as a compliment. :P Merry Christmas!

    @Maudin: I know of both, which inspired this idea. Especially with the holdays drawing near...

    @Andy: haha, I won the race! Now you have to mention me in your blog :3

    Can't wait to read yours!

  6. Yep, it's going up tomorrow. I have Broeckchen as a witness that I've been planning this for several days now, so you can't call me a ripoff! Ha!

    Anyway, yes. I will, in fact, be linking to this blog post when it goes up. Ya little attention whore.


    Edit: I'm under this way because your blog is evidently not allowing me to post under my WordPress account at the moment. That's all sorts of dumb, but I'm sure it's not your fault.

  7. Yes, I'm goin to be your witness.
    For cookies! :D
    Nah, me likes you too much for that. You're lucky to have me, huh, Andy?

    Anyways, I know that Andy is still one step ahead of you, Slice. ^^

    Also: Yay, I'm appearantly a muse now. That's my dream job!